Even In Death
by LaraWinner
Summary: (AU, Songfic, IxK) Love can push a person past their limits. It can even drive them to madness.


DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em. 'Nuff said.

Even In Death

By: Lara Winner

....................................

"Even In Death" by Evanescence

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone  
I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong  
Moonlight on the soft brown earth  
It leads me to where you lay  
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home

I will stay forever here with you,  
My love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on

Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love  
But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love  
They don't know you can't leave me  
They don't hear you singing to me

And I can't love you, anymore than I do  
  
I will die, but real love is forever.

.........................................

Off the coast of the Bering Sea, high atop the cliffs that over look the frigid waters, sits a small chapel. For well over a century it has stood as a beacon of homecoming to weary sailors and as a place of strength and guidance for loved ones that await their safe return.

As a child I loved to hear the chapel bell ring. The sound would carry on the wind and echo its peaceful call. At that time I was too young to understand why my mother would weep in sorrow. I could only wonder at the crude, whitewashed crosses that littered the small gated yard beside the chapel, remaining forever nameless.

Back then I thought the sea was beautiful.

I can still remember the moment I learned to fear the tolling of the bell.

It was a cold January morning. I had awoken to the sound of the chapel bell. There were four rings, evenly spaced and somber. Even at the tender age of nine I knew the moment I stepped into the living room that something was dreadfully wrong.

My mother sat huddled on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and holding a steaming cup of coffee in her trembling hands. Her eyes were red and her breathing was labored. I knew why she was upset.

I knew and yet in order to understand I had to hear the words.

"Mama?"

She turned to me and forced a smile as she set the mug aside. Lifting the edge of the blanket, she patted the empty spot beside her in welcome. "Come here baby. There's something I have to tell you."

She waited until I was settled against her side before tilting my face up and stroking my hair gently. "Kagome, you're old enough to know that when people die they go to heaven right?" I nodded. "And you know that god takes people home when he feels it's the right time?" I nodded again.

She took a deep breath and for the first time her face showed her age as she whispered sadly, "Last night god took you're daddy up to heaven. I'm sorry honey."

I held on to her tightly as she began to cry. I understood that my father made a living fishing. I knew that every time he set out to sea he risked the chance of not coming back. But he always did. He always came back.

I couldn't cry right then. I was numb. The only thing I could grasp was that I would never see my father again.

"Is that why the bell rings?"

In answer my mother cried harder.

It was still a few more years before I was told how my father died. A fellow crew mate said that the water was choppier than usual and my father had declined his shift to sleep. He was exhausted and pushing himself when a particularly high wave crashed into the side of the boat titling it dangerously to the side. The crab pot that was being emptied of its catch shifted on the pulley, knocking my father overboard.

There was no way to help him. There was nothing the crew could do while trying to keep The Red Lady from capsizing. And even if they could pull him from the sea, the water was below freezing. Once subjected to those temperatures there was little anyone would have been able to do to save him.

I wanted to blame them but they spoke the truth. I'd seen the ships that made it back to the harbor covered in ice and in worse shape than when they had left due to the wear of the sea. It was a treacherous job, one that had taken my parents from Japan and brought them north to the wilderness of Alaska, and yet the call of the sea was in my father's blood.

I know because my brother heeds it and so do I.

The empty chapel is quiet and even now as I stare at the crucifix above the altar, I can hear the pounding waves drifting up to me from the rocky shore below. In my minds eye I can see churning blue dotted by white caps. I despise her because of all she has taken from me but I can not leave. Once mainland I'd long for the call of the sea.

And yet I wonder…

Who else she will take from me in her jealous envy?

Willing the thought away, I look down at the tarnished sliver chain in my hand. Dangling on the end is a small anchor. It belongs to the one I love. But he belongs to her now and those cold blue waters hold him to their depths.

"Inuyasha."

His name is a prayer upon my lips, sacred and cherished. He is my anchor. I let him become my life.

I met Inuyasha Katou when I was fourteen. My mother had taken over a small bed and breakfast that catered to sailors staying on shore between fishing seasons. It's not always easy to find a boat that needs an extra deck hand, especially during the summer months. Men come from all over the world to make a quick fortune taking only what they can carry in a duffel bag.

Like my parents, Inuyasha came from Japan. There was no one here he knew. He had no relatives or friends. My mother took pity on the hanyou and set him up with hot meals and a place to sleep while he tried to find work. Being eighteen with no experience and only speaking Japanese, it took him a little longer than most but eventually he secured a position on the docks.

I knew the first time I laid eyes on him that he was one of a kind. He was handsome but there was something about him that went much deeper than physical perfection. It was his smile and the way it lit up his face from the inside out. Or maybe it was his eyes and the way the shined as gold as the sun.

Many years have come and gone since then. I can not say what it was that first drew me to him but I was captivated none-the-less.

What I do remember was the way we fought like cats and dogs that first winter. He was brash, idealistic and hot-tempered. It didn't help that I was stubborn, opinionated and head over heels in love with him. It made for a very interesting combination so it was no surprise that we argued about everything, no matter how trivial.

That first year Inuyasha had a girlfriend that he had left behind in Tokyo. He talked about Kikyo all the time and it was no secret that he was working to save up enough money to return and marry her. It was touching to listen to him speak of his plans and I had to admire his devotion to her. But the truth was that underneath I was crushed that his heart belonged to some one else.

Then one year turned into two and like most everyone that courts her long enough, the sea became a part of him. I noticed he began to speak of Tokyo less and less. The telegraphs and phone calls to Kikyo became more infrequent. I knew what was happening. He was changing and adapting to world around him. The sea was seducing him with her siren's song.

Then came time for Inuyasha to make a choice. Either stay on St. Paul Island or return to his homeland. Give up the sea or embrace her and life she offered.

We talked that night and for the first time he really opened up to me. He asked my opinion on what he should do. As much as I wanted him to stay I couldn't say that. Instead I pushed my feelings aside and pointed out all the reasons he should go home, the main one being that he loved Kikyo and that she was not going to wait for him forever.

What happened next changed the course of his life and mine.

The moonlight gleamed off of his silver hair as he looked at me with sad eyes and said, "I don't think I can go back. I'm not sure she's what I want anymore. Fuck! I was supposed to know this shit. And now… now I'm confused. Now after all this time… Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No it doesn't." I patted his arm and offered a small smile. "You deserve to be happy. Everyone does and if being happy means changing the plans you had for the future then that's what you should to do."

There were no fireworks or gushed endearments. He just grinned at me. "Thanks."

And that was that. He stayed in St. Paul and I sent a thank you prayer to god for keeping him in my life.

It wasn't long after that when Inuyasha landed a deck hand position on the Iron Talon. He started making runs with the crew that lasted five weeks or more at a time. I concentrated on finishing high school and for nearly two years I hardly saw him.

Somewhere along the way my mother's inn had became home to him and she, my brother and I were like a second family. He confessed once that we were the closest he'd come to having a real home. That was why he came back every chance he could.

When he returned it was like my father's homecomings all over again. My mother would cook a big dinner and I would take care of his things because more often then not he would stumble in beyond exhausted and very irritable. He would tell us what happened, voice his complaints and exaggerate their catch for Souta's benefit. And as always the first three days back he would barely drag himself out of bed.

I lived for the short periods that he was home and while he was gone I would visit the chapel every day and pray for his safe return. And the times when the chapel bell would ring hailing yet another life or ship claimed by the sea, I would weep and in my own selfishness hope that it was not for my Inuyasha.

It was during one of his reprieves that an acceptance letter from the University of Alaska arrived presenting me with the choice of remaining in St. Paul or accepting the chance to attend collage in Anchorage. I had been contemplating this decision for a long time, torn between my childhood dreams of leaving the island and seeing more of the world, or at the very least more of Alaska.

But that was years ago. Now I was older and with the arrival if Inuyasha, I wasn't sure that I wanted to relocate so far away. So I had to ask myself what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. If I wanted to become a doctor then I would have to go to Anchorage. If I wanted to take over my mother's position and run the inn then there was no point in leaving.

I was torn. My heart cried that I remain with the one I loved while my mind said that it was pointless to put my life on hold for a man that saw me as nothing more than a younger sister.

In the end it was neither my mind nor my heart that made the choice. It was my mother's death.

I knew something was horribly wrong when I returned home from class to find Inuyasha waiting on the front stoop for me. He was sitting on the steps with his head bowed and his shoulders slumped. For a moment I felt as if I were nine again only this time I did not have my mother's comfort to fall back on.

Then he looked up at me and I felt the blood freeze in my veins. The anxiety that filled his expression set my heart to pounding fearfully in my chest. I was struggling with my rising panic as he jumped to his feet and took my hand, leading me over to his truck.

"Inu, what's going on?" I asked softly, my voice wavering.

"Just get in. I'll explain on the way."

I did as told, sensing the urgency in his clipped words. But I couldn't stop the tears of fear that filled my eyes as he pulled away from the inn driving like a maniac, to where I still wasn't sure.

"Where are we going?"

He didn't take his eyes from the road but I noticed the way his hands held the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip. "To the hospital. Something happened to your mom. I don't know what's going on either. I just got a call on my cell from Ms. Avery telling me to get you and bring you to the hospital. I knew you'd be home any minute so I waited."

It was only minutes later that we arrived at the hospital but it seemed like an eternity. I followed the nurse's directions to the waiting room with Inuyasha right on my heels. The minute Souta saw me he barreled into to me, hugging me around the waist sobbing his little heart out.

I turned to Ms. Avery, my mother's long time friend, and she gave me a tearful shrug to answer my unspoken question. "The doctor said your mother had a massive heart attack. They took her in for surgery. We haven't heard anything yet."

I held Souta close and settled in for the long wait. Two hours later the doctor finally came out to us. I listened as he explained what procedures they had done and that he and his staff had tried all that they could but that my mother had not made it through the surgery.

I was numb.

I put all of my attention into Souta and it was needed because my little brother was an emotional mess. Ms. Avery offered to stay at the inn with us that night and she helped me tuck him into bed. Once I was assured he was asleep I made my way outside. There in the darkness I let my guard down and I began to cry, not delicate weeping but gut wrenching sobs that had me curled up in a ball and shook my entire body.

I didn't hear Inuyasha come outside. I didn't even know he was there until he sat down beside me and pulled me into his arms. I clung to him and cried for what seemed like hours. He never said a word, he just let me vent what I was feeling.

My mother's funeral remains a bur in my mind. In the days and weeks that followed Souta looked to me for strength and I looked to Inuyasha. I didn't attend my graduation because I wasn't strong enough to face everyone and their condolences. That first summer was hectic and when the time came for the Iron Talon to make a run Inuyasha was willing to sit out and give up his space to someone else if I needed him to stay.

I didn't want him to go, I really didn't, but I also knew that at some point I had to stand on my own two feet. So I put on a brave face and convinced him that I was fine. He was gone for ten weeks and during that time the only thing that kept me sane was anticipating the day he would return.

Ms. Avery took over running the inn with me. Souta was slowly adjusting to life without mama and so was I, but at the same time things were not the way they should be and would never be again. That was glaringly obvious when Inuyasha came back.

Though no one voiced the feeling out loud it was still apparent that Mama was missing and that night I went to the chapel at sunset and from the cliffs above I watched the waves crash against the rocks below. I didn't think, I didn't feel, I just let the sea talk to me in a language that only she and I could understand.

That became my escape as life once again settled into a familiar routine.

Another year passed as I ran the inn, Souta went onto high school and Inuyasha worked his way up to first mate aboard the Iron Talon. Souta began to talk more and more about working the ships as soon as he turned eighteen. I wasn't fond of the idea but there was nothing I could say to dissuade him. He was our father's son.

Summer faded into autumn and with it came a new influx of foreigners looking for work. One such person in need of a place to stay was a young wolf youkai by the name of Kouga Sarumara. He was another drifter from Japan but lack of work among the Aleutian Island brought him to St. Paul looking for an opening. He rented a room at the inn and before long he had acquired a job at the docks.

I'm not an idiot. I knew by the second day of Kouga's stay that he was interested in me. It was in his smile and in the sparkle of his eyes. I found him attractive and I thought he was sweet but I was not as smitten with him as he was with me.

Still I enjoyed his company and it made the time pass as I awaited Inuyasha's return. I continued my vigils to the chapel and I used my silent conversations with the sea to sort out my thoughts. One evening Kouga followed me, at first I was a little at odds with having someone else invade the precious moments I needed to myself but I couldn't get angry. Instead I took in the comfort of his presence and he seemed to understand what I was doing. Perhaps he was having his own conversations with the sea.

By some unspoken rule we began to visit the cliffs together.

When Inuyasha finally returned I was unprepared for the curve fate was about to throw my way. I could tell that he didn't approve of Kouga the first time they met. I knew my feelings for Inuyasha were on display, it seemed everyone knew but the hanyou. It didn't take long for Kouga to catch on to the truth. But what I didn't know was that this mutual dislike they shared was only building into something that would one day erupt.

That eruption happened about a week after Inuyasha's homecoming. Kouga accompanied me to the cliffs as had become our habit. I didn't think to tell Inuyasha where I was going because I never had the need to before. But Souta knew and when Inuyasha as asked him of my whereabouts and whom I was with, he all too happily gave the information.

Kouga knew Inuyasha was there long before I did. With the pounding of the surf in my ears and the salty breeze ruffling my hair, I was lost in my musings. But I was pulled back to reality when a vicious snarl disrupted the calming quiet.

"Kagome I'm taking you back. Come on!"

I jerked around in surprise and swallowed hard at the cold look on Inuyasha face. He was livid. It was only then that I realized Kouga and I were sitting arm to arm and while I knew the action was innocent, apparently Inuyasha had interpreted it differently.

Inuyasha was in full on big brother mode and I was going to do as he said to avoid an argument, but Kouga wasn't about to let it go. As I started to rise he touched my arm, halting me. "If you're not ready to go don't let that asshole tell you what to do."

"Stay out of this fuckhead!" Inuyasha growled. He turned to me, teeth bared and ready to physically pick me up he had to. "Kagome lets go!"

Well, I hadn't been ready to leave but the mounting argument had long since killed the moment. Still, I found myself hesitant to jump to do Inuyasha bidding. A part of me was in awe, wondering if what I was seeing was over-protectiveness or jealousy. Another part of me was insulted and getting angrier by the second at his overbearing tone.

"Lay off! Can't you see she doesn't want to go with you!" Kouga stood to face Inuyasha eye to eye.

"This doesn't concern you wolf."

"Oh but I think it does. She's my woman now."

"Like hell she is!"

"I'll prove it you!"

"You've got two seconds to step down or I'm gonna throw you off this fucking cliff."

"I'd like to see you try!"

They were nose to nose, snarling. Inuyasha had a fist full of Kouga's collar and the anger flashing in his golden orbs frightened me. For as long as I had known Inuyasha I'd never seen him like this. As many times as we'd fought he never looked at me like the way he was looking at Kouga. I was truly afraid he was going to kill the wolf youkai.

"STOP IT!" I screamed as tears of frustration stung my eyes. I was so angry at the way Inuyasha was acting, so afraid that he'd do something stupid...

My voice snapped them both back to their senses. They backed away from each other but only far enough to prevent contact. Inuyasha was flexing his claws as if daring Kouga to move toward me. I had never wanted to knock him over the head more than I did at that moment.

In the fading sunlight I glared at them for all I was worth. "I'm going home. You two can stay here and argue, fist fight, kill each other… whatever. But until you two grow up, leave me the hell alone!"

And with that said I stomped away.

Or rather I tried to make an impressive exit and I would have pulled it off if Inuyasha had enough sense to realize that I was beyond pissed, but his thick skull was not making the association. Instead he growled out something to Kouga that I was too far away to make out and followed after me.

I ignored his calls for me to stop so he settled for catching up to me, grasping my wrist and spinning me around to face him. He looked as angry as I felt and I tried to tug my arm away but there was no give. His fingers only tightened around my flesh nearing the point of being painful.

"Let go." I hissed.

"No Kagome, I've got a lot to say and you're going to fucking listen!"

"I said Leave. Me. Alon-"

He cut me off but not with words, he did one better and kissed me.

Of all the ways I imagined our first kiss, I never dreamed it would be so desperate and consuming. His lips pressed against mine, coaxing me to give in and there was nothing gentle about it. But that didn't stop my heart from surrendering to his claim and I was barely aware of what I was doing as my anger ebbed and I fisted my hands on his to pull him closer.

When Inuyasha was satisfied that I responded he leaned back, ever so slightly. I could still feel his warm breath brushing my lips as he whispered, "That's been a long time coming."

"Inuyasha?"

"Ssshh! Don't talk. We've got plenty of time for that later." He smirked as he leaned in for another kiss.

It wasn't until that night, once we left the cliffs and returned to the inn that Inuyasha confessed he wasn't as oblivious to my feelings as I had thought. He said that he knew how I felt and that he felt the same but I was a young girl with a bright future. He hadn't wanted to risk taking that away from me.

I suppose I understood his reasoning. In his mind there wasn't much he could offer me. While he was paid very well for his hard work and dedication, Inuyasha remained convinced that he had something to prove. In his words, he wanted better for me.

But he was all that I needed and all that had wanted for so long. To have him admit his love for me in return was the happiest moment of my life.

The weeks flew by as I wandered about in this joyful daze. Kouga felt it was wise to find lodging elsewhere and Inuyasha was itching to boot him out of the door. I managed to keep them from seriously harming each other but even so, it was a relief once Kouga was gone.

All too quickly it was time for Inuyasha to sail out. The Iron Talon was going on a seven-week run and I wondered how I was going to pass the time while he was away. With this new level added to our relationship it made the thought of being without him all the more agonizing. As I kissed him goodbye the morning he left I felt like my heart was breaking.

The days trickled into weeks at such a slow pace I feared I would go mad. Keeping up with the inn was easy work as it mostly ran itself. Souta was hardly a problem and I knew I could not have asked for a better little brother. With Ms. Avery there to deal with the tenants, I was left with next to nothing to distract me from missing Inuyasha.

Souta was a dear and I had to love him for trying to cheer me up. He was thrilled that Inuyasha and I had finally resolved, what he called, our 'game of hide and seek'. He knew I was taking Inuyasha's absence harder than normal. He even humored my daily visits to the chapel to offer a prayer for my beloved's safety.

Despite its slow procession, seven weeks passed and I was bursting at the seams with anticipation as the day of homecoming arrived. I wanted to meet him at the docks but I also wanted to have dinner ready and since I couldn't do both I settled for pacing the kitchen like a caged tiger and seeing to the food because I knew Inuyasha would be starving once he arrived home.

I had years of experience to back that estimation and I was not disappointed when he came in through the kitchen door, nose sniffing and stomach grumbling. As I gave him his welcome home kiss I couldn't help but laugh.

Dinner was boisterous affair. I was finally able to breathe and as I watched Inuyasha bait Souta, safe and sitting beside me, I realized that I had been more afraid for his well-being than I originally thought. But the knowledge that he was with me once again didn't allow my mind to dwell on it.

As was routine, once he'd eaten Inuyasha headed off to bed. Working eighteen to twenty hours a day, seven days a week at length drained his reserves. I understood his need to rest and that night I made my way to my room content to know that he was right down the hall.

So I almost screamed in fear when I sat on the edge of my bed and was instantly pulled backward by a pair of strong arms. Thinking myself alone I had not bothered to turn on the lights, still I recognized Inuyasha in the darkness and melted into his embrace. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck and I shivered as dropped small kisses on my skin.

"Hey." He murmured sleepily.

I tried not to giggle from the ticklish sensation and pointed out, "Uh… you do realize you're in my bed?"

"Yup."

"You're not going to move are you?"

"Nope." He was sticking to one-syllable answers while half asleep.

"In that case I'll go sleep in your room." I made as if to get out of the bed and laughed when he growled in displeasure and tightened his hold on me. "All right, all right I'll stay here."

"Good." He mumbled against my throat. Taking advantage of his affectionate mood, I reached up to give his right ear a thorough scratching and the soft rumbling coming from his chest was ample encouragement. "I missed you so much." He sighed, titling his head so I could reach more easily.

I smirked. "You love anybody that'll give you an ear rub."

"Nah just you."

"I'm flattered… I think."

"Sssshh! Focus on the ears baby."

Cuddled against me and twisted around so I could reach both ears at once, I was surprised he found the position comfortable but it wasn't long before he was sound sleep again. Not wanting to disturb him I kicked off my shoes as gingerly as I could and let the sound of his even breathing lull me into my own dreams.

It was the simple pleasure of having Inuyasha love me that made my time with him so precious. He was away with the Iron Talon for more days a year than he was home and because of that I treasured the time we were able to spend together.

It was after a particularly long run, one that lasted eleven weeks, when Inuyasha and I first made love. He returned home weary and almost sick with exhaustion. I was worried he was pushing himself too hard and once he was well rested I mentioned my concerns to him. We got into an argument that kept half the tenants away from the inn while the other half were placing bets on whether I would murder him or not.

I didn't talk to Inuyasha for the remainder of the day. As his way of apologizing for being a jerk when I was only worried about him, he broke into my room through my window in the middle of the night so that I would have to accept his apology. He had me cornered and I loved him so much that I could never stay mad at him long anyway, so I gave in and we kissed to make up.

Only it didn't end there and as one round of touching led to another neither of us wanted to stop. We tried to be quiet but apparently we were still too loud because the next morning Souta couldn't wait to inquire about the knocking sound coming from my room. I spent the next few weeks blushing constantly from Inuyasha's bragging and Souta's snickering.

But when you are happy time seems to fly faster than you dare to conceive. In what felt like the blink of an eye one more year slipped by. Inuyasha became Captain of the Iron Talon and Souta started dating a young girl from his high school named Rin. Just as swiftly another year passed and yet another and suddenly I was left to wonder where the time had gone. Before I knew it Souta had graduated high school.

At that time Souta was only seventeen and wouldn't make eighteen for another four months. Inuyasha promised him a place on the Iron Talon as soon as he was old enough to work the ships. I wasn't at all happy about the idea but I also knew that changing Souta's mind was next to impossible. I had been trying to for over five years and it proved pointless.

My only consolation was that he would have Inuyasha watching over him. Yet even that sent a chill of dread in my heart. Having them working on the same ship… If there was an accident I could loose them both.

No matter how I tried to brace myself I ended up weeping like blubbering fool when the time finally came for Souta to make his first run with the Iron Talon. I stood on the docks watching the man my baby brother had become set out for the first time and I knew he was all grown up now. I guess that is how my mother would have felt had she been alive to see it.

It was only a four week run but I fretted nearly every minute of it. I made trips to the chapel sometimes three times in one day just to ease the panic that threatened to engulf me when I began to contemplate what could happen. But I worried for nothing and I can say I was never as relieved in my life as when I watched the Iron Talon come into port and saw Souta wave from the deck with a tired smile.

By the time the Iron Talon was ready to make another venture out into the Bering Sea winter was in full gear. I hated when Inuyasha sailed out during those frozen months and now I dreaded it even more since Souta would accompany him. He knew how I felt but there was little he could do. Taking over as captain of the Iron Talon was a responsibility that Inuyasha took very seriously.

The night before they were to sail out I knew there was something on Inuyasha's mind. He was quiet all evening, which was a little unusual, and I pondered why as I followed him up to our bedroom. I had long since forsaken a conversation with him because tonight he was distant, lost deeply in his own thoughts.

I watched him undress admiring his masculine beauty. He slipped under the covers beside me and I was content to rest my head on his shoulder as absently ran his claws over my back. For a time we stayed that way but I could only worry about his subdued mood for so long. I was on the verge of asking what had him looking so pensive when he finally broke the silence, his brow creased in a perturbed frown. "Kagome…?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever wish you'd done things differently?" he asked softly.

It was my turn to frown. "What do you mean?"

"Since your mom died," he shrugged, "things have kind of fallen into place on their own and I was just wondering if that's what you wanted."

He was asking me the question but I had to wonder if he was trying to tell me something at the same time. Was he unhappy? Did he not want things to turn out the way they have? I felt a little sick.

I leaned so I could see his face and answered honestly hoping that I was taking this conversation the wrong way. "I wish mama was here. That's the only regret I have."

He stared into my eyes as if judging the truth for himself. I didn't even blink. After a long moment he sighed and I got the impression that he was relieved. When he spoke again I realized why.

"There's on more thing I want to ask you. Um… I… uh…" he swallowed hard, "I want to marry you and… shit I'm screwing this up. Okay, forget that." He cleared his throat, "Kagome will you marry me? Wait! Before you answer I… I probably shouldn't have asked you because I don't even have a ring to give you…"

Inuyasha was a nervous wreck. Even his ears were twitching, he was so worked up. I'd never seen him in this state before and as amusing as it was, my heart was pounding from something else besides mirth.

I felt like I wanted to cry and yet at the same time I wanted to throw my arms around him and jump up and down like a giddy schoolgirl. But in reality I did neither. I settled for giving him a blinding smile. "Yes."

The anxiety in his expression eased and then he was kissing me so passionately that I had trouble catching my breath when the kiss ended. Somewhere in the back of my mind a little voice whispered that it should be a sin to feel this happy but I forced it away as his mouth began to explore areas of my body that made my world consist of Inuyasha only.

The next morning I watched from the dock as the Iron Talon left the port carrying the two most important men in my life. Rin and I remained with out gazes locked on the ship until it was merely a speck on the horizon. As the cold February wind whipped about us, I noted that it blew from the west and I fought the chill that traveled down my spine.

Days turned to weeks and my unease only grew stronger with each passing day. It was barely a month into the scheduled seven week run that I awoke to find the sky was gray and the sun was already making its decent in preparation for the long hours of darkness ahead. Alaskan winters seemed like eternal night and the depressing feel did nothing to reassure me that my loved ones would return safely.

And then the chapel bell began to chime and I knew the darkness had only just begun.

Looking down at the necklace clutched in my trembling fingers, my vision blurs as scalding tears fill my eyes. It's been five months since that horrible morning and not a day passes that I don't have to remind myself that I am not living a horrible nightmare.

I was told that during a violent storm the Iron Talon capsized. The crew members were not able to break the sheets of ice covering the deck as fast as they were forming from the frigid wind and the crashing waves. The ship quickly became top heavy and overturned. Only three of the eight crew members were recovered by the rescue unit. Fortunately, one was my younger brother.

Souta survived the ordeal and for that I am forever grateful.

But Inuyasha…

They keep telling me that he died.

I suppose I should believe them, after all, I am holding the anchor necklace I gave him for his 20th birthday. He never once took it off that I can remember so for me to have it now, they must be right. He's dead.

No.

No he's not dead. I know they're wrong because I've seen him. He's alive and he wants to come to me, I know he does but she won't let him. She keeps him there at water's edge and won't let him take a step closer.

How I hate her…

She's laughing at me, I can hear it in the crashing of the waves below the cliff. Her voice is a whisper, taunting me that she keeps him at her side. I hate the sea and her treacherous ways and yet I return for these conversations because she lets me see him if only for a moment.

The sun has long since set and moonlight spills through the chapel window mixing with the soft glow of the candlelight. In the depths of the night, when the world around me resides in slumber I can come to the cliffs. The chapel has served its purpose in hiding me long enough. Its time for my nightly talk with the sea.

Blowing out the candles one by one, I take my leave of the small chapel. It's a shame I must meet my love under the cover of darkness but even my precious Souta can not understand.

They think I'm crazy. They give me pitying looks and tell me that I'm stressed. Whenever I mention Inuyasha's name they pretend to listen but all the while I know they shake their heads and say I'm a basket case behind my back. If only they knew the truth.

Inuyasha's there. I know he's there because I can hear him calling me.

At first I thought I was insane too. I told myself that I couldn't really be hearing his voice and that he was lost to the sea and far beyond my reach, but I was wrong. After many nights of trying to sleep and ignoring his calls finally I made my way to the shoreline below the cliffs. I walked along the slippery rocks following the call of my name.

And there he was, standing before me bathed in moonlight and dripping wet.

I reached for him tentatively and he took my hand, his chilled fingers closing around my own. His amber eyes were hidden behind his silver bangs shrouding them in fathomless shadows. But his pale lips curled in a smile, soft and gentle.

"Kagome…" He was so close and yet sounded so far away. "I was afraid you wouldn't come. I thought you'd forgotten me."

"Never." I promised, letting him guide me closer. The salt water clinging to him seeped into my cotton nightgown as he took me in his arms. Coldness radiated from his body and I pressed closer lending him my warmth.

I would have stayed there forever but they pulled me away. They said I would hurt myself if I went after him. They said it would be best to let him go. And when I looked for Inuyasha he was no longer there. She had taken him away again.

That wasn't the first time they said I was crazy. To make me believe it they locked me away. I've learned that if I tell the doctors what they want to hear they leave me alone. As much as I hate lying to Souta I've even told him that I know Inuyasha is gone. It's not true but they don't need to know that.

I returned home a short time ago. Souta thinks I'm better now. He won't talk about Inuyasha or the accident. At Rin's pleading he's taken to working the docks and she's now looks over the inn. They are planning to get married later this year. He's happy and I'm happy for him.

Still, I won't let him keep me from Inuyasha.

I tried not to listen to Inuyasha's calls but in the silence of the night his heartbroken voice rips me apart. I need him as much as he needs me and I won't let her come between us any more. I know I can be close to him. I begged her. I pleaded for her to give him back but she won't. So tonight I'm going down to the rocky shore to find him.

As I knew he would be, Inuyasha is waiting. He's sitting on a large rock staring out into the dark midnight waters. His ears swivel in my direction and slowly he turns to look at me. "Kagome…?" he asks hopefully.

"I'm here."

He holds out a hand to me and I take without hesitation. His skin is cold. I need to warm him up so I bring his palm to my cheek and cradle it there with my hand. He smiles sweetly and in the moonlight I watch rivulets of water trail down his face from his wet hair.

"I've been missing you baby." His thumb brushes over my lips making the longing in his eyes all the more poignant. "Why did you leave?"

I can't bear seeing him this way. I live to see him smile and no matter what it takes I'm going to make that smile reach his eyes. I love him so much… "I won't ever leave you again."

He only sakes his head sadly. "But you can't stay."

"Yes I can."

"No." Panic fills me as he frees his hand from my hold and I know he's trying to tell me goodbye, I hear it in his wavering voice as he breathes, "You're so beautiful…"

Desperately I wrap my arms around his neck and tuck my face against his wet hair as the tears find their way free. "Please don't leave me behind again." I beg. "Please."

I can't live without him. I'll do whatever I have to do to make him see but I guess he already does because his arms come around me as his lips find mine. He tastes of salt water but I don't care. He's warming up or perhaps I'm getting colder, I can't tell. The air around us is thick and murky and from somewhere beyond us I can hear her whisper…

Welcome home.

............................

A.N. – This fic was inspired by a special I saw on the travel channel featuring Alaska. They did a mini segment on St. Paul Island and its fishing industry and I got the mental image of Inuyasha on the deck of a large crabbing boat and ta-da. You have this fic.

The plot was also inspired by the song "Even In Death" by Evanescence. In case you are wondering about the last part of the fic and how it becomes a bit more abstract than the beginning of the fic, its because Kagome has gone off the deep end. Her account of what was going on wasn't exactly what everyone else saw. In her mind she sees Inuyasha and feels him… maybe he's really there. I'll let the readers decide that. And yes, she did kill herself. Sort of. In her mind she wasn't dying but in reality she was drowning. Thus why she was pulled away from Inu the first time…

I told you she was crazy.

So I hope this didn't suck too badly. I was having a bit of writer's block on my other fics so I threw this one together. I have the next chapter to "In the Blood" outlined so I'm working on that next. Until then, toodles!


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